Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
