His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
