Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
