i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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