And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
