I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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