God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I swiped left on my soulmate