everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT