I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.