I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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