I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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