At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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