Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
