Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
