listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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