Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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