Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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