I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet he comes in French.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize