It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
