So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
