my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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