stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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