Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
