I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
