i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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