I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
