Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize