Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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