Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
