You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
