I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
