New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
