my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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