were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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