and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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