this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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