I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you never un-have a 4some
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize