look no pants
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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