Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you had me at cake vodka
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
