just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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