Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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