I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
