you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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