My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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