Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
