i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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