a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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