Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A bitchslap is in order.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize