How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
