i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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