That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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