You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
