your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
