but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
