Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Two words: nipple clamps
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