Kiss
Puke
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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