Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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