Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
