I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
