Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
