I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
