Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
