The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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