i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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