So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
