i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
