this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
