I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
