yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
